Six of the Best – our favourite Vivastreet ads
Colon massage courses, a prehistoric hand axe, dead butterflies, a Gloucester Old Spot pig you can adopt (and then slaughter), a human scarecrow and a topless cleaner are six of the best — well certainly most bizarre — ads this month on free classifieds website, Vivastreet.co.uk.
It’s not our first choice of course to enrol on, but if you’ve ever wanted to massage a stranger’s colon and relieve their ‘sluggish circulation’ then you’ll be keen to hear about a series of courses running in Cardiff in our classes section. The Colon Massage Accredited Course is ‘predominantly practical-based’ so you can get stuck straight in. So to speak.
If you’re planning on cutting down a tree in your back garden this weekend, but haven’t got a Homebase or B&Q nearby (God forbid), for £6 you can purchase this prehistoric hand axe dating back to ‘circa 50,000 BC’ in our memorabilia and collectables section. And who knows? Once that old oak is down and cut up into logs maybe you could sell the axe to the British Museum for several grand?
We’re not telling porkies when we say you can adopt a Gloucester Old Spot pig for as little as £35 per month, receive updates and pretty pictures of the beast and then, six months down the line, ‘take delivery of your pig either butchered or whole’. If you’re planning a pig roast in the summer, then this is perfect for you. And if pork isn’t your food of choice, there’s plenty more nosh in our food and wine section.
If you’re a lover of Lepidoptera — flying insects to you and me — then look no further. On the memorabilia section of Vivastreet.co.uk, you can buy a gorgeous Orange Tip butterfly for a pound (it’s dead, btw). All you need now is a pin and a small glass case. And a life.
Love working in the fresh air, live in Kent and looking to earn some extra lolly? Then why not apply for the position of ‘bird scarer’ in our jobs section. It’s an early start but then it has to be if you’re going to ensure that the early bird doesn’t get the worm — well, prize marrow!
Top rates of pay in Leeds are promised if you’re, errr, prepared to take off your top while doing the dishes, ironing and bleaching the loo. The gentleman in question, ‘ClassyBloke’ (real class), wants a topless cleaner, although stipulates that he prefers busty ladies. Has the man no shame?
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